Underwater Comedy of Gooberish Proportions

2006-08-15T11:34:00.000+08:00

I wished I topped up my MRT/EZ Link card.
I wish I brought my instant noodles to work so I can save lunch money.
I wish I had the ability to wake up on time.

I wish I was slimmer.
I wish I had a beautiful face. (America's Next Top Model does NO GOOD for the soul)

I wish I had more money. (its all for a good cause.)

**

Anyways. I am beginning to doubt my dress-sense. I don't want to look like everyone else on the street with big (awfully huge) belts that don't fit them, and cute doll dresses and girls with too much make up you can't even tell how their actual face looks like. I want to be skinny, but I dont' want to look like every other girl with long black hair and eyeliner. So I wonder if its a good thing being a little plus-sized.........

But having said this, I always thought like, "Eh, my dressing can't be that bad." But outrages of outrages, someone called me "Ah Ma" today! Oh the insult. I must start reflecting and start looking at more magazines..

Disclaimer : (This is slightly sarcastic and full of dry humour, so the magazine thing is really, just the shock speaking.)

**

2006-08-04T14:59:00.000+08:00

"I really wish I could feel some other emotion other than anger."

Everyone protects themselves, in many various ways, yes. Be it from physical or emotional hurt, we all try to defend ourselves once in a while. Some do it by allowing themselves to be swung into a deep neverending abyss of pain and piercing memories. Some do it by abusing themselves. They take the hurt, and think, 'this is what I deserve.' They justify themselves because for a fleeting moment they really feel the pain too; and pain, is good.

Others become too arrogant, and others lose track of what they were made out to be.

She wakes up and for a split second, she smiles. She smiles that its a new day. She smiles that the air outside is fresh and crisp. She smiles that there is completely nothing on her mind.

Then how come she spends her entire day being angry?

On that note. I am suddenly amazed at how Music affects my mood. (Lets not talk about Jonathan Leong. His kind of music is in another different, new, mouth-watering league..)

If i were to ask people what they like about music, they will tell me that the lyrics convey the messages, and how they can relate to it and take heart that someone out there, understands. Someone who isn't your friend, someone who hardly knows you. Someone who took your problem, and wrote it into a beautiful song, and shared it with the rest of the world.

But I submerge myself into the notes of the song, the tune, the melody, the way the music builds up, and the way it unfolds a story. And what you're listening to no longer concern the lyrics. I listen to how the music artiste sings, her pitch, the kind of emotion she expresses with each song she/he sings.

Its weird that I'm mentioning this.

And its weirder that it is an hour after work and I'm still here, enjoying this strange sense of being abandoned and left behind.

"Persian blue and bright as icebergs in the sun" - You certainly know how to make me melt.

2006-07-24T14:25:00.000+08:00

Here i am, watching Episode 1 of Phil of the Future (for the 3rd time), and being sleepy and bored.

I guess everyone around the area appears bored too. Li just took out his (premium black chewing gum) gum and started waving it in my face. Then he started to slide it across the metal railings that seperates our office cubicles. Of course i just stared at the moving thing in amusement and with my mouth wide open (how glamourous right.) Then when he realised i didn't want it, he just started shaking the thing and glaring at me.

Li : "Try one!"

Me: "I dont' want lar!"

Li: *glares

Me: "Okay okay..." *takes one solitary black gum

Li: "Hao hao wan ah!" (this is fun!)

Me: "Wah piang...."

Li really lives up to his name (Stanley Tsai). We call him (or i call him) 'Li Sai'. Geddit geddit!?
Oh i am so not funny.

Thisentryjustprovesthatthisisreallyaveryboringdayandi'mdyingand(to)fallingasleep...

2006-07-12T11:58:00.000+08:00

HELLO everyone!

Yes, its been a long time since Christmas, and i suppose no one really cares if you do your Christmas shopping by yourself or not.

(*inserts fake laughter..)

Wondering why i'm taking the liberty to actually go to blogger.com, and enter my password, and click on "New Post" and type all these nonsense that you're just scanning through now and wondering when i'll stop rambling and even regretting why you said to me, "Dyan. Please update your blog. It's pathetic."

Answer: It is because I am bored. (*inserts rainbow sparkles of joy and celebration..)

You know, it is boring working here or rather, at this moment. You'd think its all mickeyfun and lilolaughter here at Disney. Truth be told, i'm just updating because i would like to type something that does not say "Hi! I'm Hannah from Hannah Montana, and you're watching Disney Channel! Disney Channel rocks!" or "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, Tomorrow at 7pm, on The Wonderful World of Disney."

Pirates of the Caribbean is sodding fanastic. And it is technically possible to eat Taiwan Oyster Mee Sua when you're watching a movie (just pray you have steady hands when monsters pop up in your face.) because i did it. Funny how everyone was eating in the cinema. It is also best when you watch it with one of your best friends and you both exclaim at the same time that Captain Jack Sparrow could be possibly gay.

"I have a jar of dirt!"

Oh, and very very surprisingly. Singapore is actually known to the rest of the world! I wouldn't know what kind reputation we're giving these Americans. They probably think Singapore is some sort of fishing village.

"Have you seen Captain Jack Sparrow?"
"Last heard that he was in Singapore."

Couple of Singlish lines delivered during the movie as well. (HAHA, we couldn't stop laughing)
Guy falls down and he shouts "AIYAH!" and pirates call each other "OI!"

***

Wow, this entry is pretty long if I say/type so myself.

I think Barney is also gay. (There has been rumours, but this pretty much confirms it.)

Barney & Friends - Let's Have Some Fun : Starts Tonight at 7pm.
(Hahahahaha. i'm not making it up, its what written on the cue sheets.)

2005-12-19T23:12:00.000+08:00

Are you having a happy holiday?

Are you shopping along Orchard Road, carefree and at ease?
Are you looking through your list of what gifts to buy?
Are you admiring the lights at night?

**
This has been my worst Christmas. There's no such thing as giving. There's no such thing as cheer and goodwill.

No such thing.

2005-12-02T14:09:00.000+08:00

A SURPRISE PARTY!!

I know i know, you all tricked me. So, here's the real story before the surprise. (Many hidden tricks and scams to lure me away, yes. I JUST realised.)

Wednesday 30th Nov
Me and Crystal went to Tepanyaki at TM to eat, and hweech joined us awhile later. Then suddenly, Lisa appeared with her newly dyed hair. "WOW LI YOUR HAIR SO NICE! HWEECH, NICE RIGHT?!" But. Why was Lisa there? Cos she went to M1 to get the phone with Dad. Hweech didn't comment about Lisa's hair, but i didn't think much about it. Why? Cos she met her previously to order the cake.

Hweech said she had to go home early. And so, Crystal and I walked around Century Square, and then I wanted to go to Mango, but she said "No, i don't wanna go. Don't wanna go in aircon." But why didn't she want to go in Mango? Cos Lisa and Dad buying phone at M1, sure bound to bump into them. So, we went home, and i didn't suspect a damn thing.

Thursday 1st Dec
Birthday Bash Day.

Mom took leave, and my aunty and my Ah-ma came over. Mom was cooking a storm in the kitchen, so i asked "Why are you cooking?" "Oh, Ah-ma that thing lo." "What thing?" "Ah-ma that thing lar!" So i didn't read much into it, and i didn't bother. I was hungry, and there was Nasi Lemak and there was so much Otah. So i asked "Why got so much Otah?!" Lisa said "Oh Aunty Angie bring one lar, her own thing." So i believed. So i thought it was not ours. And i took 6 pieces. HAHA. Hweech and Lisa got abit worried not enough.

Then suddenly halfway through the day Lisa was moving the furniture around. And i asked her "Why you moving the things around?!" She said "Oh, bored mah." But why was she moving them around? Cos there were people coming later. Lisa said she was hungry, and so i asked i'll go down with her. But why did she say she was hungry? Cos she didn't want me to see my mom cooking.

While i was walking to school, i saw Mel. She was damn flustered, and said a quick bye, and walked away. So i didn't think much about it.

CRYSTAL. YOU ARE THE BEST LIAR. HERE'S THE PART ABOUT CRYSTAL.

After jap class, she FORCED me to go and drink bubble tea with her, and she refused to let me take the bus home, and she wanted to take all my money. But why? Cos she wanted to stall for time, and she wanted to take my money so i couldn't take cab. Then i insisted on taking cab, so she said she wanted to take cab too. And she said she wanted to take first cos she needed to take a tinkle in the pee palace. So i let her. But why? Cos she had to reach my house first. Then it was too bad that both cabs came at the same time. (Haha, she had to duck cos my cab passed hers.)

Lisa kept calling me, to go and buy coke. Calling and calling and calling. Then suddenly she wanted me to buy chilli sauce cos we ran outta it. So i went to buy.

***

The lift took too long, so i took the stairs. While walking up i thought "Wah Lau. Still have to climb the stairs.."

Then when i opened the door i saw Monster Cousin, and i was appalled. WHAT WAS SHE DOING HERE?!

So i walked to my room to put my bag. Then suddenly!!

SURPRISE!

Everyone was there! I was rooted to the damn marble floor and started tearing. (Damn retarded i know.) HAHA. So there was food and curry and i was damn shocked and trembling i couldn't open my presents, and everyone was just laughing at how gullible i was and ignorant, and i just wanna cry. Haha.

Much love to:

Hweech, Lisa, Crystal, April, Jon, Jarrett, Jillene, Rendy, Manda, Zenna, Su-Anne, Chong, Mel, Joyce, Jiaxuan, Denise, Sue, Michelle, Edwin, Moo, Cole, James, Andrea!!

Kay and Luq. I wish you were here.

You guys are fantastic lar. :)

And MOMMY! She cooked so much and got herself all dirty and tired while setting up everything, though i must say her acting skills are getting much better...

ALRIGHT! SOME PHOTOS!

The surprise troopers.

Congrats dyan!

Mom and Lisa

April and Me

Making wishes.

Look! I'm the shortest!

Joyce, Crystal, Jiaxuan

Nope, i don't know what Mel was doing.

Jon is NOT that tall..

Jeryl Fudge Jeryl.

Ah-ma!

Everybody loves Rachel. (Girl in black.) Jarrett and Hweech wishes they were 12.

Bally Phone Strap and D500c from them!

Damn gorgeous flowers from Lisa.

White gold necklace with my birthstone! From mom and lisa!

2005-10-14T16:01:00.000+08:00

Cow Poetry

Distant Hills

"The distant hills call to me,
their rolling waves seduce my heart.
Oh, how i want to graze in their lush valleys,
Oh, how i want to run down their green slopes!
Alas!
I cannot.

Damn the electric fence!
Damn the electric fence! "

Thank you.

:)

2005-10-08T02:25:00.000+08:00

Dear Dyan,

I'm sorry that you're not who you thought you were, that you can't be as strong and as happy as you thought you could be. I'm sorry that everything's been going wrong for you, and that you can't even live past 7 hours without ruining everyone's night. I'm sorry you can't hold back your tears, and that you can't explain that it might not be your fault for once. I'm sorry that you spend each night thinking that maybe you'll feel better if you hurt yourself physically, instead of hurting others for a change. I'm sorry that you can't even do simple things properly that you spent all your energy for nought. I'm sorry you can't be as careful or as fast as everyone else. I'm sorry that no matter how hard you try to get things right, or to make things right, they still turn against you. I'm sorry that you can't be as good as the rest of them.

And i'm sorry that you're still what you first started to be - nothing.

2005-09-07T22:38:00.000+08:00

No.

She's not fine, really.
She's not ok.

Someone, help her.

Please.

2005-09-07T11:51:00.000+08:00

My word, its been long since i blogged.

I've come down with the flu (yes, right after everyone else has) and it escalated to a fever, and everything else.

And apparently i have a 'swollen and infected' throat, (which seems like it will never get better) and absolutely disgusting mucus.

Who damnjollywell cares about sliced bread. I'm telling you, the best invention is tissue paper.

Well, i haven't been studying for bmr due to the flu, and i really think that this time i might be doomed. (i mean, everyone else got through marketing and all..)

i only covered ONE chapter!

this is how sickening. then somemore i can't go KTV on thursday! kns.

Anyways, i'm going to get a NEW PHONE next next week! (check it out!)

Mom: "Yan, do you want a new phone anot?"

Me: "Of course i want lar, chey."

Mom: "After i get my money i'll get you a new phone la"

Me: "HUHREALLYARH"

Mom: "Yea"

WHOA!!!

I can show off to my manager(s) my NEW AND UPCOMING PHONE, and everyone teasing me about it. Bah-ha!
Wahlauwahlau.

2005-08-17T13:21:00.000+08:00

When the flashing of headlights charging towards you seems comforting than threatening,
When you cry, and you're hating each drop that falls onto your face.

When you feel the hurt piercing through your body,
as it goes through your neck, hits you in the heart, and sucks out everything you worked so hard to build.

When you scorn yourself for being weak, for being so vulnerable, for being such a clown.
When your despise yourself for adding the scars.

When you visualize the coldness of blade against your skin, and the blood that gushes out.
And you think, what it feels like, that sense of calm, as you drift away to someplace else.

Why is it so hard?

2005-08-03T13:57:00.000+08:00

The week hasn't even come close to ending, and yet it has left me so tired of what's to come. Someone, just tell me what to do.

**
Last night was fun, as usual. With company like Jon, James and Hweech, its impossible not to laugh. I think our sessions at 85 are now tradition.

"Who starts?" - Classic.

Just like a maze,
Where all of the walls, all continually change.

2005-08-03T12:09:00.000+08:00

Everyone,

I have lost my phone, so just take note of that. I'll let you guys know if i get a new number. Meanwhile, if you guys need to find me, call Crystal or Hweech or sth.

Thanks.

2005-07-27T11:02:00.000+08:00

I am going to work later.

I'm slowly coming to terms with it, and i know i might end up enjoying myself. Except for the occasional stupid things that i still do. But apart from that, i think i'm doing better than i thought i would.

I'm stuck and at a loss for words about what to say or how my day has been. I guess, that we all get stuck sometimes. Doing our own things, too absorbed in our own world that we forget that there might be people out there who'd wish that you weren't doing the things you were.

When you choose to single handedly crash the world they took so long to build, its no wonder you fall asleep with haunts that never fails to surface.

When you look back and remember, you thought it just might be the beginning of an entire sequel to happiness, you missed it. Because it wasn't the beginning. It was happiness.

And it took so long to realise.

How are you.

2005-07-18T16:03:00.000+08:00

Hello all.

i'm in class now and we just had the most ridiculous conversation about "Bungs". don't ask me how it all got started. basically someone said that "what if bungs do a suvey".

(oh i know, my teacher was dumb enough to say "some people don't want to give away their personal infomation like gender." T!)

and so it goes, the "bung" subject and my teacher was clueless as to what the hell is was, and someone said "oh, bung means butch!!"

yippie for you man. let the whole world rejoice. bask in your vast knowledge.

apparently, "bungs" put their gender as "Male". at least circle the slash or something right. buay pai seh.

EEW!!!

**

Anyways, i can't wait to get my hands on the sixth Harry Potter book!! Then plonk myself somewhere and drown myself in the world of magic and adventure.

So this Crystal is being such a spoiler by going to the J.K website lar!! And jon is going on and on about Harry's "twin" (non-existant) brother. Hahaha.

CLASS IS ENDING SOON!
BYE ALL! (sorry for being so abrupt but hell to that!)

2005-07-13T15:01:00.000+08:00

When there's only so much pain that you and the people around you can take, how can you find it within yourself to smile again?

When you've let so many people down, how can it be so that they still stay by you?

Choke on my tears,
until finally there is nothing left.

2005-06-23T20:40:00.000+08:00

Ever felt the cold wind slapping across your face? Reminding you that what you have is at someone else's expense?

Ever felt the need to cry and to scream, and the sudden want to feel alone and perhaps, unwanted?

All the emptiness, hurt and anger.

Then you realise, you're right.

I don't love myself enough.

2005-06-22T14:14:00.000+08:00

I should really, really stop doing stupid things when i have deadlines and assignments due.

Blame it on my laziness, but everything else seems to be more enticing than Multi-Cam or BOE or BMR.

I tend to gravitate towards the TV. I swear someone pushed me. People don't just gravitate towards it, do they? That's something to think about.

I am totally broke. So, Hwee Ching. This is a reply to your recent blog entry.

Qn: What beats being broke during your birthday hmm hmm hmmmmmm!?

Ans: Being broke everyday you NS BOY BOY!!

I'm so bored. This is such a stupid update. And i said i wanted to refrain from doing stupid things (?!)

2005-06-18T23:11:00.000+08:00

Funny how a little bit of chocolate goes such a long way.

Thank god for great company of Crystal, Hweech, Jon, Jeanne (and your sister!), James and his friends yesterday. Otherwise, i think i would have probably committed murder, and arson.

Goodness, and you'd like to think that most Singaporean men (or boys) are gentlemanly. I was hell proven wrong yesterday.

And i will never step into MediaCorp ever again.

So what if you're tall, hamsterface? The fresh air up there doesn't seem to be helping you.

And you, ugly girl with bangs. Anyone can be a model for god's sake. If Steven Lim can pluck eyebrows and men out there capable of raping babies, you could be anything.

So yeah. MODEL OF THE YEAR, lets celebrate. Give me a couple more bags and i'll shove them up yours, and your retarded boyfriend's. You guys deserve each other. Yay.

To think that James and Hweech thought he was "handsome". Whose side are you guys on lar!!

Hahaha.

KTV was fun! Should do it more often! Spice Girls and Britney Spears, Jolin Tsai and SHE medleys. Such great fun, except when i spilled Coke all over myself because I was waving at Jerry Yan.

**

Su-Anne and gang : I'm sorry i couldn't be there at Cocolatte! We'll definitely meet up real soon alright?? *Smiles.

Jon : Thanks for the Crystal Jade meal! *Slurps. Don't have to change into a tighter fitting jeans you also damn superstar. Hahahaha.

James, Jon, Crystal and Hweech: Thank you for fanning me instead of yourselves , for wanting him to burn (literally. yes, i'm talking about you hweech hurhur.) , for giving them stares, saying lame things, and being angry for and with me. *Grins.

'Night.

2005-06-13T14:59:00.000+08:00

I'm here in one of the labs, sitting through Basic Media Research. I must admit that i'm in my own little world here, and i don't really care what's going on around me.

Bhavna hid behind the door and gave me a terrible scare. I am still suffering from the aftermath of the shock. Hahaha.

God, i'm feeling so lethargic now.

For film just now, we watched Moulin Rouge. And i couldn't stop the tears in time.

"The jealousy will drive you mad."

2005-06-11T21:12:00.000+08:00

Slience can be daunting. When you look around, and there's no one there. No one to tell you that things are going to be ok, no one to tell you that there's nothing wrong with crying, and no one there to dry your tears.

I look at strangers with smiling faces, with lives that they're so proud of.

And i wonder why i can't have that, and why its so hard to achieve.

2005-06-05T17:08:00.000+08:00

Midnight
Lock all the doors
And turn out the lights.
Feels like the end of the world,
This sunday night.

2005-05-31T23:40:00.000+08:00

School today was, well. A tad bit better than Monday.

Firstly, i surprisingly enjoyed MultiCam today despite it being the dreaded 4 hour long tutorial. It was great fun typing stuff that appears at the bottom of your tv screen. Say, American Idol, they have those poll numbers? We got to learn how to add in those words and credits and how to make them move and all that.

Not only that. We got to learn VT playback and some audio thing. It was a feel-good thing. Why? Because you get to touch all those cool, cool buttons you always wanted to mess around and play with. Those turning knobs, those buttons. Ahh. Buttons.

And there's more. We got to handle Studio Cameras, which is pretty cool. Run around with them around the studio and zoom in on random things. (i'll elaborate later) Zoom in, zoom out, dolly in, dolly out. (is that how you spell dolly, godknows.) Fun.

It was BLOODY FREEZING there, might as well have winter jackets on loan.

And! You got to wear one of those cool headphones with the mics and stuff and start cueing the hosts "On 5,4,3,2, cue!" - kinda thing. Muahaha.

Right right!! About zooming in. See, there are 3 studio cameras which are linked to the studio control room where the monitors are able to see what the cameras are filming. My absolutely half-bald-few-strands-left-but-i-still-try-to-comb-them-to-the-sides of a pervert tutor was just, sitting on the couch. Waiting to be filmed.

And so. We did.

We took his half-bald head, and zoomed in on it and focused. You could see his head shine. You could count the few pathetic strands of hair left. Well you see, the other half of the class was doing what i mentioned above (the scrolling words and all that) and they were in the control room (where monitors screened what we were filming...)

So when we went back to class, and pretended nothing happened.. Sits down back in class and just when i was about to stone and perhaps doze off...

James: (Gives me a stupid grin and says..) "EH. Just now you all zoomed in on Clifford Yap's head right?!"
Me: (Snaps out of hurhurimstonedmode and goes..) "Hahaha, you saw?!"
James: "YEA. Everyone saw it on the monitor!! Even Ms. Ng saw!!"
Me: (Laughs like mad...) "REALLY?!"

AHH. Its things like these that make school slightly more bearable.

**

School's pretty different now. With different company, unfamiliar faces; with past memories flooding back in the midst of making new ones, with fresh wounds to cover the old.

But often times those words get tangled up in lines. And the bright lights turn to night. So, what does make you and me?

2005-05-29T17:54:00.000+08:00

Something's Missing.

I'm not alone, I wish I was.
'Cause then I'd know, I'm down because,I couldn't find, a friend around,
To love me like, they do right now.
They do right now.

A desert frown, the shopping malls
I search for joy, then plot it out.
And all is well, I can't complain.
It is just a game, it's just a phase.

And I can't tell you just what's keeping me down.
Something's missing,
And I don't know how to fix it.
Something's missing,
And I don't know what it is, no I don't know what it is
I don't.

And autumn comes, it doesn't last.
It just walks in, where it left you last.
And you never know, when it starts.
Until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart.

2005-05-28T01:06:00.000+08:00

i just came back from concert. my heels are hurting because clever kay lii told me it was at the esplanade, thus explaining my slightly more formal than usual outfit with the pointed shoes. yes, you heard me right, kitten heeled pointed shoes.

turns out the event's actual venue was at the indoor stadium. hah.

the event was pretty cool in my opinion only thing that it got boring after the first one and a half hours or so. featuring some 4 random dancers competing to win some trip to the US and this other fantastic group of dancers, Break!. (they flew (jumped really high with all their somersaults and whatnots) BOY, can they dance. all the robot-moves.

respect. all hail....

so nevermind that, my feet ached like mad needless to say, considering the concert lasted for like three whole hours. (blisters blisters...) and after that, i even managed to walk to geylang from there. of course i complained but i managed to. i feel like i did a week's worth of exercises.

yippie. beef kway teow never tasted that good. kay and i were starvinggg.

so now, taa-daa. i'm at her place. using her laptop. i must say, her toilet is so clean and neat. it just makes you want to keep everything in the right order. her room's so neat and tidy it makes my room look like crap. so organised! i can't stand it. hahaha.

(kay, i know you're going to read this sooner or later. i just want to tell you how fab your keyboard is. its so fun to type. )

whateverman. i'm such a no-lifer. hahaha. goodbye.

2005-05-24T01:12:00.000+08:00

Well well well, look what we've got here.

Its school.

2 months have come and gone. There isn't much to look forward in school, except for the fact that i've finally got crystal in my class. There are rubbish classes to attend, endless project meetings and sucky food. I can't believe that i was actually once excited to attend school so can you imagine how desperate i was to get out of the house.

Speaking of houses, the tenant hasn't moved out, and i'm beginning to wish she would. Apart from the fact that she serves as a distraction when my mom is about to nag at me for going out so much, (read : HEY LISA WHY YOU SAY I'M NOT AT HOME?!) , her voice is as irritating as a loud chinachennapokpok women whose dialogue is as confusing as a orangtutan trying to converse with you in english.

Now wait a minute. She IS a loud china women. What am i saying?! (Hur.)

I've come to the conclusion that i am bored and i will not argue with you.

Here's to toasted-bread-in-60-seconds-mushroom-and-cheese-vending-machine-lunch.

2005-05-22T01:29:00.000+08:00

Went for a short shopping trip with my sis at bugis just to check out the Mickey Shop that just opened.

I don't fancy the stuff there, i think its weird. Some of the stuff there are nice, lk the sneakers and some of their clothings.

There was such a hype in the shop, people screaming "OOOO!" and "AAHH!". Hmm. Ok, so Mickey's your favourite, isn't everyone else's. Hur. I lost my sis in the "crowd", can you imagine.

Shit, i saw the Guess watch i always wanted. Dang, a cool 180 dollars.

Sis and me went crazy in the train, giggling like 2 mad idiots about some stupid anime on Kids Central.

Met Jillene, Rendy and Elvina at 85! It was nicee seeing them again after so long. I missed you guys you know! I'm glad Jillene's coming with me to Crystal's place for MJ tmr! Yay!

2005-05-21T00:12:00.000+08:00

So what am i doing at home on a Friday night, while i know that everyone else is having a great time outside, having suppers, laughing to stupid jokes, having a great time and returning home feeling contented and fufilled?

What am i doing at home on a Friday night, doing the exact opposite, feeling the exact opposite.

Why do i allow myself to feel so helpless, torn and bitter?

I need to get out, i need to clear my mind, i need to stop the thoughts, i need to stop imagining.

But how?

2005-05-14T14:52:00.000+08:00

There are so many times when you're reaching the brink of insanity, you don't know if you can learn to smile anymore. Don't know if you can bring yourself to forgive yourself for sinking in such self-pity.

When everything goes wrong, what do you do?
What happens when there's no one to help you, and the people who think they can only try to push the limit to your patience. Or they're not even there.

When you're being chased out of your house, when you fall asleep alone, when you wake up disappointed..

Suddenly, something amazing happens.

Maybe it won't be such a bad day afterall.

2005-05-13T15:48:00.000+08:00

Just who can you really turn to these days?

When you have a mad mother, telling you to stay over at your father's "if you don't like staying with her", when all you were trying to do was to protect your sister and dry her tears.

And that very day, your father walks out on you and your sister.

So where do you go from there?

When you feel so damn isolated, nothing in the world seems to help. When you're trapped in your own version of hell, you start to lose your mind and you begin to believe that that's how life's going to be for you.

You start to think, is there really someone in your life willing to go through the fires of hell, willing to forsake heaven for hell, just to be with you?

When laughter seems to have lost its magic touch, its appeal. But when you do, you know somewhere at the back of your head that acting strong and indifferent is the only place that you can hide for now.

2005-05-10T13:29:00.000+08:00

You know its a bad day when:

1. The room you're sleeping in contains too much dust, causing you to forgo air-con and a (very)leaky nose.
2. Whilst having that leaky nose, non-stop sneezing; the weather is extremely humid.
3. You're begin shouting at people, and end up shouting at each other.
4. You don't know why you shouted, and you didn't mean to.
5. When you're alone, while you know they're over there having a great time.
6. When your lunch causes you stomach aches.
7. How you think its nearly evening and the day's almost over, and the actual time is actually 1pm in the afternoon.

**
Yesterday, someone could have died. I was there, as the car knocked into the unsuspecting man, flinging him up high into the air; his legs suspended, his body motionless. The car was at full speed, but he didn't even try to swerve and avoid the guy. Though the car only brushed the guy's side, the altitude of the fall was terrifying. What more a direct hit. What was even worse, was that the driver didn't even bother to get out of the car, slowed down however and sped off at the sight of the victim's "OK". Three men had to carry the guy onto a seat; his face flushed, his body limp.

I just sat there, and watched it happen. Watched him as he tried to cross the road, watched as the car rammed into his sides, watched as the impact tossed him into the air. People rushed forward to help him up, but no. I sat there, motionless and stupified. Slowly he garnered the strength to stand, and lit up a cigarette.

That was it. I thought about what if the accident happened to someone i loved. I thought about my reaction, i thought about how crazy i would have been, and i thought about how different a person i would be. I thought about how weak i was emotionally, and how i should perhaps harden my heart just that little bit more, to prevent wounds from cutting deeper.

I thought about that sinking feeling, the literal pain heartaches bring, the tears, the heavy hearts. And i thought about how this feeling increases ten fold, when you lose a loved one to death.

I know the experience sounds a little too made up, too much drama-serials. But its not.

I just hope everyone takes care.

2005-05-09T17:47:00.000+08:00

Hate:

1. a) To feel hostility or animosity toward.
b) To detest.

2. To feel dislike or distaste for.

So how does it feel to hate, and be hated in return?

There's nothing wrong with my eyes.

2005-05-04T18:51:00.000+08:00

Finally! The internet connection is up and ready to go(use)! It was my sister who helped set up the damn thing.

Just five minutes ago, actually.

Anyways.

Here's photos of Ms Wee's or now Mrs Lim's Wedding! A pity i only have say, what 2 photos of which i stole off Crystal's blog thankyouverymuch.

This is how Ms Wee looks like now. Want to be HOW pretty you tell me i can't stand it myself. So its true what they say about looking your best on your wedding day, huh? I was at a loss for words when i took a look at their wedding album. She looks, so. Happy. and radiant.

Can you believe it. But ultimately i'm happy for her. Well, as for the kissing part. (Ask me, i was the most interested.) She only allowed him to kiss her cheek. Aw. Teachers.

After much munching on the buffet, while on the lookout for other teachers (eg: MrsBoo, oh look who's here its dyan and her fellow classmates i shall try to be more teacherly and smile, oh look they're looking at me, smile smile smile smile ugh smile smile..)

You still look like a duck Mrs Boo. An ugly one. And yes, don't have to brag about how your first boyfriend became your husband. You probably had no other alternative. And yes, i outrightly hate your guts. There's no need to hide, when i see you around, the glare's on purpose. There's nothing wrong with my eyes. Lets just be honest here.

Hohoho, i'm still happy for Ms Wee though.

2005-04-28T16:36:00.000+08:00

Its funny the way how we always want more than we can manage. How we want what we know would bring us trouble, more headaches, more heartaches. But somehow, our selfishness causes us to lose sight of rationality.

What happens next is that we tend to follow our selfish emotional desires. What appals me is how i indulge myself in these wants, and later think back and wonder why i could even bear to hurt the people i love so much.

Sometimes, the memories come haunting me late at night. Life's full of choices, and i often wonder if i choose is what i really want. The loneliness is unbearable, when the memories come flooding back, leaving you more empty then ever. More often than not, we tend to choose options that would ultimately lead to more heartache, more pain.

So then, tell me. Why do we still do it?

**

On a 'lighter' note, well not so 'lighter' note. I've been having hot flushes, and breaking out in random, extremely scary - cold sweat. Menopause, perhaps?

Well, this goes out to April, who saved my life yesterday. I know it must have been traumatising, considering my weight. Even though you took pleasure in slapping me, i really appreciate what you did in there for me. (hurhur) And thank you Hweech, for taking tissue for me. I love you both. :)

And to Kay! Its been so long. *Grins. Maybe next time, another round without the unfortunate twist of events.

I'm out. (Pun not intended.)

2005-04-22T02:20:00.000+08:00

Three blog entries in one day. Says something doesn't it.

Well i can't help it. Sometimes you think you've got so much to say, with a million thoughts racing through your head. And when you think you've got it all sorted out, something just happens. Hits you straight in the face, and all your fancy thoughts about how you think you could make things better just disappears into thin air.

Then somehow, you think venting your incoherent, jumbled-up musings somewhere might make you feel better. You think that by typing until you can't come up with anything anymore will make you slightly less troubled.

But no. It makes you feel much worse, because you realise you have absolutely nothing to say. And there's nothing you can do about it.

2005-04-21T19:41:00.000+08:00

just checking.

sth's wrong with the previous post lar. some html thing that i couldn't possibly bring myself to check. something i am not capable of, lets just be honest here.

but do read on for my monologue with Mr. Ronald Mcdonald's.

**

somehow right now i feel extremely ugly. (no i don't think i deserve to die or sth, but everyone else looks damn good.) i think its due to the friendstersnooping that i've been excessively occupying myself with. hmmmughmm its time to stop. friendstersnooping that is.

who does that now?!

Random Quiz on dating.

2005-04-21T17:54:00.000+08:00

Your dating personality profile:

Stylish - You do not lack for fashion sense. Style matters. You wouldn't want to be seen with someone who doesn't care about his appearance.
Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.
Outgoing - You can liven up any party. You've got a way with people and have little difficulty charming your dates.

Your date match profile:

Athletic - You aren't looking for a couch potato. You seek someone who is active and who keeps his body in top shape.
Stylish - You cannot put up with someone who is lacking in style. You want an original, someone with flare, someone with good taste.
Conservative - Forget liberals, you need a conservative match. Political discussions interest you, and a conservative will offer the viewpoint you need.

Your Top Ten Traits

1. Stylish
2. Liberal
3. Outgoing
4. Wealthy/Ambitious
5. Athletic
6. Big-Hearted
7. Adventurous
8. Funny
9. Practical
10. Intellectual

Your Top Ten Match Traits

1. Athletic
2. Stylish
3. Conservative
4. Adventurous
5. Wealthy/Ambitious
6. Practical
7. Religious
8. Big-Hearted
9. Outgoing
10. Funny

Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions

wow.

i've got style, i'm liberal and i'm out-going. not bad arh. thing is. issit TRUE?!

another trip to east-coast. somehow chilling sessions there always end up being quite depressing in a way. maybe its the music, maybe its the ambience. i wouldn't know. its places like these that makes you want to think about things, people, situations, and about why in the world you are seated where you are, prone to temporary depression.

hur.

but after the letssulktogetheratbeachcabana session ends and we make our way to the taxis, this giggling fit just overcomes all of us. and we end up talking to Mr. Ronald Mcdonald. isn't that nice, i think he likes some attention once in a while.

Here goes: (with malay accent. sits down with him and says..)

"Eh, so. You like to hang out at Mahtdonald?"

"..."

"So..what do you like to eat here at Mahtdonald's?"

"..."

* Someone at this point of time randomly hits his chest, impatient, waiting for an answer.

"Answer lar, why?"

"..."

(take note that this whole episode with me talking to him, was filmed down on camera.)

Do You Like Raisins?

2005-04-18T15:15:00.001+08:00

Here i am, in the cmm lab on a HOLIDAY, with two idiots going on and on about "xiuming" and "lonely...i'm mr. lonely.." and about how they aren't each other's type.

Guess who these two idiots are?

No no, just try. I'm sure you can get it right. i mean, Which TWO idiots would rather waste precious time like that when they have supp papers at hand?

Yes!

Its hwee ching (mr. lonely oh look at me i can do a nasal voice with ease!) and april (oh i'm a big nose kinda girl).

HUR HUR HUR.

So while they're wasting their time, doing "hi, my name is beautiful boxer". i shall spend my time writing a blog entry.

(In the background : fits of giggles. about raisins. and some random talk about flirting. and toe hair.)

"You like raisins?"

"Yeah...I like."

"Eh stop flirting and do your work lar."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

2005-04-17T17:44:00.000+08:00

Alright! i can post pictures!!

Met kay that day for dinner at n.y.d.c and i'm looking forward to more of such dinners you hear me!

Met hweech first, realised we were in MATCHING outfits and went to get a top to change into. *phew. Kay's blog has the entire description of our outfits.

dearest kay and me! kay was pretty impressed with my aiming. HUR. and my new top. MUAHAHA.

and another one!

now comes retarded photos of that night's KTV session..

Jerry Yan's fan club man.all the way.

this is another fan club. one man show. HUR.

and this, is a imitation of THE ROCK!

we went crazy that night. we must do it AGAIN!

Virgin Entry.

2005-04-16T02:30:00.000+08:00

HELLO!!!!

this is PRETTY darn cool. considering i haven't used blogger in such a long time.

MANY MANY MANY MANY THANKS TO MAMA (KAY) AND PAPA (LUQ)!!

Papa did the whole cool hey-look-at-spongebob-he's-swinging-and-the-random-floating-jellyfish-animations!

Mama came up with 'Dyan and friends!' part. hurhur.

I can't believe both of them did it for me as a surprise! Bigggrin!

I love you both!

**

Here's a few ways you can enjoy your KTV sessions!
1. Sing songs that you haven't heard in YEARS. a.k.a : SPICE GIRLS.
2. Sing latin songs.
3. Watch jerry yan's videos.
4. Play retro songs to "create the mambo" feel.

HURHUR.

And that's exactly what we did.

(FINALLY. I CAN POST PICTURES!! ACTUAL PICTURES!!!!!)

Sorry i'm not cool enough for some people. Congratufuckinglations dyan!!

2005-04-15T19:55:00.000+08:00

this is a test comment. the big black cow jumped over the scared little boy who didn't know it was coming. as the cow fell unceremoniously to the ground, it couldn't help wonder. What was it doing jumping over the boy anyway. He tried pinching himself to see if its a dream. But cows cant pinch themselves as they have hooves see. And no creature on the face of this planet, with hooves, can pinch themselves.

2005-04-15T19:09:00.000+08:00

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2005-04-15T18:45:00.000+08:00